It may not be professional, but I don't think it'll be found wanting for much.
Note, though: I said translating things from an agglutinative language with very free word order into a more analytical one with restricted word order is torturous, not that you can't write good poetry in English. Merely that the translation itself is really, really hard because of the format differences.
I'm going to be really brief here and careful also as I'm in no place to critique or even comment being a monoglot non-poet, so take this as intended... English word order and general form can be messed with and twisted perhaps more than you think, even if it will never be another language. Look at the Graves poem here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pararhyme
I can't take a better shot at what you've written in your other comment because I can't get a whole picture of what it's trying to say, it seems a rush of images rather than a scene, but as one image that makes sense (gold corrupting, I think)
I bowed to gold, bowing to gold I grasped at the netherworld
then
I bow low to gold, and bowing, seize the underworld
Or perhaps not. Anyway that's too much from me already. I probably deserve the coming downvote.
You can judge my skill here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33640260
It may not be professional, but I don't think it'll be found wanting for much.
Note, though: I said translating things from an agglutinative language with very free word order into a more analytical one with restricted word order is torturous, not that you can't write good poetry in English. Merely that the translation itself is really, really hard because of the format differences.