I wanted to say I'm amazed by the number of commenters who just assume the OP states the truth, but I'm not, not really. HN is awfully quick to take sides, and it's very predictable where it comes down. (In the aggregate. Yes, I know there's no HN group mind)
So, as food for thought: What if something happened between these two that was rather awkward, and can be interpreted either way? In that case, I think the OPs response is entirely reasonable - "Oh fuck, this is not what I thought it was, or what I intended it to be. I'd like to talk to her".
I'm very sad the woman's first reaction was to lob a public accusation, yes. If she thinks it's rape, she should've file charges, instead of instigating a pitchfork campaign. On the flip side, the reactions here show exactly how most women claiming rape are treated, including by law enforcement. It immediately becomes a witch hunt.
So how about we withhold judgment on this for a little while, until there are actual facts?
Or are we so desperate for yellow journalism that we must comment on other's private lives without any information?
"I wanted to say I'm amazed by the number of commenters who just assume the OP states the truth, but I'm not, not really. HN is awfully quick to take sides, and it's very predictable where it comes down. (In the aggregate. Yes, I know there's no HN group mind)"
There are 121 comments right now. I have no idea how many users HN has, but I think it is safe to assume that the writers of those 121 comments are not a significant part of the group.
I think it is a mistake to draw conclusions about "HN" from a bunch of comments.
Yes. It's not the first time HN discusses the topic, though. And given that you're here for 5+ years, I'm sure you have noticed that certain topics tend to trend a certain way on HN, no matter who the actual commenters are.
That's what I meant by "in the aggregate". Any given commenter might come down wherever they feel like that day - few people here are so stubborn that they never change their mind - but the trend is there.
But that was not the point of my post, and I'm sure you're aware of that too.
Have you been raped? No? Would you then kindly not make assumptions how long it takes to finally get the courage to admit to it?
Many people suppress traumatic experiences. It's rarely successful, but it sometimes works as a coping strategy. For a while. All it takes is one triggering event to bring it to the foreground again. If that event happens ten years later, that's when it happens.
Yes, it's a long time. Unfortunately, that's the way our brain works, sometimes. The OP seems to understand that.
So, as food for thought: What if something happened between these two that was rather awkward, and can be interpreted either way? In that case, I think the OPs response is entirely reasonable - "Oh fuck, this is not what I thought it was, or what I intended it to be. I'd like to talk to her".
I'm very sad the woman's first reaction was to lob a public accusation, yes. If she thinks it's rape, she should've file charges, instead of instigating a pitchfork campaign. On the flip side, the reactions here show exactly how most women claiming rape are treated, including by law enforcement. It immediately becomes a witch hunt.
So how about we withhold judgment on this for a little while, until there are actual facts?
Or are we so desperate for yellow journalism that we must comment on other's private lives without any information?